I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
