The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
