I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i drank out of a bidet.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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