Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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