just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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