We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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