i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
