You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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