Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
