my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
