I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
