it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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