he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
As shirtless as possible
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
