Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
