I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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