...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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