The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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