I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
