Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
