I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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