News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
