It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
