maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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