I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
