Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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