can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
