the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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