your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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