Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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