Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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