Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
