You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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