apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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