We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
