Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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