Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
