I feel great
I just peed on a car
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
