just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
