We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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