im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
