y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
