We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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