He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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