I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
