Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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