is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
