so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
