Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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