these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
