you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
