if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
